It's been 3month plus ever since i blogged.
Suddenly i felt like blogging, so here i come!

I have been pondering some question these few weeks.
It seems that i have finally realised what was my character like.
Through great experiences, interaction with friends, Reflection,
made me have a major change in my life.

Alright, I was really, i mean it, really a complete loser.
i would make use of friends, often beg them when i need help,
and to my surprise, when they needed help, i won't usually help unless it's very important,
and i did it very reluctantly.
I didn't want it that way.
But in my mind,
i didn't realise that my actions really would make my friends detest me.

It was friends, good friends who told me countless time,
and after doing countless of reflections, i realise i was wrong.
I have spoilt so many many and many of my relationship with my friends.
Its time i have a change! And i mean it!

Another would be, i was stubborn as a mule.
I always have the mindset of "I AM IN THE RIGHT! THEY ARE ALL WRONG!."
Even if i'm at fault, i will find many many reasons to push the blame to others,
or have tons of excuse comforting myself, which is,
" i admit it was my fault due to maintaining of relationships", etc.
Stubborness really caused me whole lot of troubles.

These 2 points clearly show that i was a self-centered person.
Only until recently, i still find excuses,
reasons to run away from the reality about being self-centered.
I thought i was a good friend, a very very good one.
It was all a thought.

I was also egoistic, I felt people will come to me to make friends with me.
I don't have to befriend them, they will automatically come to me.
I was so damn wrong!
Thats the reason why i often don't social and talk much to my friend's friend.
To add up, contradictingly, i lack self-esteem, and confidence.

Being fat really made me lost a lot of confidence and self-esteem.
That made me shy to talk to girls or getting to know new girl friends.
I still remember during secondary school days,
when i was in secondary 1 till end year secondary 2.

Back then i was really talking to girls more then i talk to guys.
I have more girl friends then boy friends.
Every night, i will never fail to have phone talk with girls.
Things changed gradually,Times are different now.

My god, i have so many weak points in my characteristic!
Of cause, i did another reflections.
What made me into this?
Why was i like that?


The answer was simple.
Computer Gaming.
I got hooked into Maplestory on secondary 2.
From that point on, my life was changed drastically.
After school, i returned home straight, affecting my time spend with friends.
My school work deproved alot.
The worst of all, I created for myself tremendous stress and family problems.

Let me explain why,
Firstly, i had computer addiction, thus creating alot of family problems.
Souring my relationships with between my sister and me,
I became very violent when my gaming hours get affected.
My mum really tried her best to help me.
She's really at her end's wit.

Still, i didn't give in.
I was a hypocrite then, giving false promise just to play Maplestory.
I lie,i even steal money from my house to go lan gaming.
My mum...
I really felt very apologetic towards her.

In the game, Maplestory, i was had quite a reputable name, thus making me feel
Superior towards Fellow maplers, and i mixed up real life and virtual.
Real life and virtual world was like the same to me.
And i was very into damage, damage was very important in this game.
I had a lot of stress on how to upgrade my equips.

Everyday, i couldn't sleep.
Once i'm on bed, my mind would be about upgrading equips.
Resulting in insomia, and being absence in school then.

Also inside, i could get all the help i need, and i don't have to help other people.
I can always give some excuse to avoid it, which also result in being self-centered.
Of cause, as i said, i mixed real life and virtual, so yeah. Self - Centered!

I also mentioned in many of my post before, i always reject friend's request to go out.
These clearly was because i wanted to play maplestory.
Sigh.. i was really a loser in secondary school.
Such low life i have got here.

Now, its all past, i have quitted school and regretted.
It's all experience now.
I will undergo a change!
That, i can promised!