This is so unexpected. The only reason why I decided to blog was again because of you. I did not even expect my last blog post was about you. 1 Year passed, same problem i'm facing with you again.
But hey, this time it's different. I'm pretty sure. There is so many things I want to mention here.
I was nice to you, you were nice to me. Things change drastically when i fall for you and confessed. I have to admit I did too many stupid and silly things for the past 4 months.
You taught me what is punctuality. You taught me what is EQ. You made me become so concious of my surroundings.
You were my priority, and because of that, Sub-conciously, you climbed to the top of my head. I lost my dignity in front of you. You could just turn your temper anytime on me, and I will just suck it up. I thought It was alright, at least we are still communicating.
I shielded you in project, I thought that was good. I was wrong, so wrong. You took me for granted. Sure you did improve in group discussion, but even in projects, you gave me attitudes. There was nothing we could talk. I restricted myself out from so many things.
Just 1 week ago, I made one of the hardest decision in my life. That was to give you up. That was when I realise, there is so much thing I could do towards this friendship. I wasn't myself for the past 4 months. When I reflected, things changed, my mind became so clear I could anticipate your moves. It took me 4months to know your character. It wasn't easy. I may not know what you think, But I know how you react, I began to realise the importance of myself. I found out I belittle myself so much in the friendship that I wasn't giving myself the respect I deserve. I could do changes, I had the power. I used to think the one controling the friendship was you, till I stand back and reflect.
Sure I myself have faults too, I'm sorry, I apologised. I know definitely somehow I played a small role in shaping you for who you are now.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Sunday, August 8, 2010
You changed my life.
I'm going to blog about you today. You changed my life one way or another. I'm not perfect, I have attitude problem, blah blah blah blah. I was so happy back then, nothing could make me pissed off for more then 10minutes except family issues. Till, I met you, I changed. I don't know why, sometimes I would get quite pissed off with you or you would get pissed off with me and I won't feel good too. it will stay on my mind for as long as it wants. I never need a listening ear ever since secondary3. You proven it wrong to me. I got so upset at one point of time, that I needed a listening ear.
I though we were good.. I was wrong. We couldn't communicate. I treated you as though you are one of my sibling. My ways of treating you were obviously wrong. Instead of bonding and get to know each other more, we drift further apart. Alot of times, I talk without thinking. I have hurted your pride. My character is like this. I tried changing, but i failed and I'm quite unwilling to change.
I choose to escape from this situation. The moment we talk, there will be conflict. Since I can't control my mouth, I rather have slience then conflict. Whatever the outcome is, I have chosen it. I was supposed to be able to handle any major situation/conflicts, but I was wrong. It seems I have put too much confidence in myself already.
With that, more and more problems sets in. I really wish for us to be as close as before, as when we just knew each other. I know I cared for you. I too have a sharp mouth but a soft heart inside. It's not easy to see the soft side of me too. I havn't seen it myself for 2 years already. I thought I could help you, turns out I'm a failure myself. Tch, what a joke.
This blog, have many of my reflections. This is one of the very few emotional post of mine. What is going on? Where will this lead me to. I dont have any clear directions anymore. Lastly, I, YaN apologise in this blog of mine to you. I'm sorry.
I though we were good.. I was wrong. We couldn't communicate. I treated you as though you are one of my sibling. My ways of treating you were obviously wrong. Instead of bonding and get to know each other more, we drift further apart. Alot of times, I talk without thinking. I have hurted your pride. My character is like this. I tried changing, but i failed and I'm quite unwilling to change.
I choose to escape from this situation. The moment we talk, there will be conflict. Since I can't control my mouth, I rather have slience then conflict. Whatever the outcome is, I have chosen it. I was supposed to be able to handle any major situation/conflicts, but I was wrong. It seems I have put too much confidence in myself already.
With that, more and more problems sets in. I really wish for us to be as close as before, as when we just knew each other. I know I cared for you. I too have a sharp mouth but a soft heart inside. It's not easy to see the soft side of me too. I havn't seen it myself for 2 years already. I thought I could help you, turns out I'm a failure myself. Tch, what a joke.
This blog, have many of my reflections. This is one of the very few emotional post of mine. What is going on? Where will this lead me to. I dont have any clear directions anymore. Lastly, I, YaN apologise in this blog of mine to you. I'm sorry.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Revival of YaN
It has been months every since I blogged. Many obstacles have prevent me from blogging. I'm not blaming it. I wasn't strong enough to overcome these obstacles. Well nevermind, I have decided to revive this blog and start blogging again!
Well 2.5 months has passed. I havn't been exercising! In fact I have gain back 2 or 3 kilograms already. I realise that the moment I stop blogging, is the moment i start to slacken down. No, This can't be happening to me. My perfect plan... I will achieve my goal.
Many things happened during this period, be it happy or sad. My language is deproving as time passes. I'm no longer can be as optimistic as I used to be. This is something I really hated. Never in my life after secondary 3, I needed a listening ear, till recently. I needed a ear, a ear to hear my sorrow, a ear to vomit out my grief.
I have learn alot of new things in school. It's fantastic. It's just another few weeks to YOG break. Will I spend the time dwelling on games again? Well, I think not. It's time I get back on the right track and start my run. It's a long run, but I believe i will reach my goal.
I lost my motivation in life. I am trying to get it back by blogging. Blogging is the period, whereby I will reflect. When I reflect, It kinda motivate me to achieve my goals. I have been enjoying life for the past 2.5 months already. I will try to blog thrice a week and pen down my thoughts towards anything I experienced.
Gym, I miss you. I love you. I want to be your boyfriend. Next morning I will visit you. Please break off with me along with my fats when it is time to do so. I will blog again on saturday or sunday. I have too much in my mind to talk. It's just not processed to which is suppose to be here and which is not.
Anyway, I have one quote that I learn today. That is
"Do not give objection without giving suggestion".
Good quote, I agree with this. :)
Well 2.5 months has passed. I havn't been exercising! In fact I have gain back 2 or 3 kilograms already. I realise that the moment I stop blogging, is the moment i start to slacken down. No, This can't be happening to me. My perfect plan... I will achieve my goal.
Many things happened during this period, be it happy or sad. My language is deproving as time passes. I'm no longer can be as optimistic as I used to be. This is something I really hated. Never in my life after secondary 3, I needed a listening ear, till recently. I needed a ear, a ear to hear my sorrow, a ear to vomit out my grief.
I have learn alot of new things in school. It's fantastic. It's just another few weeks to YOG break. Will I spend the time dwelling on games again? Well, I think not. It's time I get back on the right track and start my run. It's a long run, but I believe i will reach my goal.
I lost my motivation in life. I am trying to get it back by blogging. Blogging is the period, whereby I will reflect. When I reflect, It kinda motivate me to achieve my goals. I have been enjoying life for the past 2.5 months already. I will try to blog thrice a week and pen down my thoughts towards anything I experienced.
Gym, I miss you. I love you. I want to be your boyfriend. Next morning I will visit you. Please break off with me along with my fats when it is time to do so. I will blog again on saturday or sunday. I have too much in my mind to talk. It's just not processed to which is suppose to be here and which is not.
Anyway, I have one quote that I learn today. That is
"Do not give objection without giving suggestion".
Good quote, I agree with this. :)
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Labour day, is known as queue day!
Hohoho, I'm updating updating!!!
3weeks of school, 3 weeks of fun, 3 weeks of studies! triple the joy, triple the fun!
LOL, sounds like kinder joy's advertisment eh? hahah, fourth week is a test week in ite. =( Test is going to be often already!
Alright, I shall blog about yesterday. I went to popeye's restaurant. The queue is really long! All the way outside! We took 30minutes to queue, another 1hour for our food. First time ever in my life, I queue 1.5hours for food.
Anyway I was with JiLong and his girlfriend. Dinner was great, hang out around in Amk Hub and then I went off to Tampiness. Stay over at starbucks and Mac with some new friends. It was quite fun, and till this day, I'm still very anti against toning over night.
I bought contact lens, have been wearing it for 1week plus already. Getting used to it now. When I first use it, it took me 30minutes to take it off, and another 30minutes to put it in. Now it's just 5minutes for both!
This is the money I earn from selling pixels! I will appreciate it and perhaps it's time to spend on some stuff. =/ Okay, I shall stop here, have to do some homework and housekeeping. Enjoy the rest of the weekend fellow mates! =)
3weeks of school, 3 weeks of fun, 3 weeks of studies! triple the joy, triple the fun!
LOL, sounds like kinder joy's advertisment eh? hahah, fourth week is a test week in ite. =( Test is going to be often already!
Alright, I shall blog about yesterday. I went to popeye's restaurant. The queue is really long! All the way outside! We took 30minutes to queue, another 1hour for our food. First time ever in my life, I queue 1.5hours for food.
Anyway I was with JiLong and his girlfriend. Dinner was great, hang out around in Amk Hub and then I went off to Tampiness. Stay over at starbucks and Mac with some new friends. It was quite fun, and till this day, I'm still very anti against toning over night.
I bought contact lens, have been wearing it for 1week plus already. Getting used to it now. When I first use it, it took me 30minutes to take it off, and another 30minutes to put it in. Now it's just 5minutes for both!
This is the money I earn from selling pixels! I will appreciate it and perhaps it's time to spend on some stuff. =/ Okay, I shall stop here, have to do some homework and housekeeping. Enjoy the rest of the weekend fellow mates! =)
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Hahah, I'm updating already!
yO peoples!
Alright, I'm in a better and proper mood today to blog about stuffs! Wasn't feeling so good for the past few days until today! Reason will be as follows. One, I have successfully sold my game's pixel stuff. 6 pixel items for $1,360. How cool is that? To top it up, I'm the one selling the cheapest already!
Selling of this scrolls, clearly meant I'm quitting games that require commitment for good. It will not be in my mind till I'm having a break, or when I feel it's the right time for games that require commitment again! I'm really happy that I chose this decision! Not only do I get to spend the money, I also get to be free from game!
Path is straight, Aims have been made, Time to prove it! I'm doing fine in ITE. Teachers are kind, fun and loving mates in schools! It's how to view it =D. I have regain my confidence and I will proveI'm not small matter. I will make a difference in the class, in the school, in the family! I will be a impact!!!! Nope, I'm not arrogant, I believe this is the right spirit to get started on and I'm going to achieve it!
There is only One Life, Live it to the fullest! =) I got a dinner with my new group of friends today. We can have fun together can communicate well. I find myself to be more comfortable with matured people. We can talk alot and I really enjoyed it. It's not that I'm that mature okay! I enjoyed talking to people my age too. Different age, different topic! However, I'm more interested in philosophy, so I'll be comfortable with matured people because they have a lot of experiences to share with me!
There is this one incident which happen today. It was my one of my lecturer in ITE. Initially, it was just some casual question for the teacher. However, I went one step further and ask her more questions. She actually have the qualifications to be a lecturer in poly. She have a master degree. Her portfoilo is definitely very nice.
To my surprise, she chose to be a teacher in ITE. She has hopes for student. She wants to be of use to the society in Singapore. She believe she can make some difference in the education system in Singapore. I really was quite touched by this particular teacher. The way she gave her lectures... It was one of the most friendliest class. She is very approachable!
Such examples, always gave me motivation to do well and be of use to society one fine day. In the past, it did too. However, It was only for a moment. After that, I completely forgotton about it and go back to my same old self. In the present, it shall not be the same!
Thank you Miss Hildas. 2weeks and 2 days, you have gotten my respect. The ways you lecture lessons, the ways you communicate with us, it is one of a kind. I appreciate it. =)
Alright, I'll end my post here already. I have homeworks that I haven't completed. Have a good sleep everyone.
With Love,
YaN
Alright, I'm in a better and proper mood today to blog about stuffs! Wasn't feeling so good for the past few days until today! Reason will be as follows. One, I have successfully sold my game's pixel stuff. 6 pixel items for $1,360. How cool is that? To top it up, I'm the one selling the cheapest already!
Selling of this scrolls, clearly meant I'm quitting games that require commitment for good. It will not be in my mind till I'm having a break, or when I feel it's the right time for games that require commitment again! I'm really happy that I chose this decision! Not only do I get to spend the money, I also get to be free from game!
Path is straight, Aims have been made, Time to prove it! I'm doing fine in ITE. Teachers are kind, fun and loving mates in schools! It's how to view it =D. I have regain my confidence and I will proveI'm not small matter. I will make a difference in the class, in the school, in the family! I will be a impact!!!! Nope, I'm not arrogant, I believe this is the right spirit to get started on and I'm going to achieve it!
There is only One Life, Live it to the fullest! =) I got a dinner with my new group of friends today. We can have fun together can communicate well. I find myself to be more comfortable with matured people. We can talk alot and I really enjoyed it. It's not that I'm that mature okay! I enjoyed talking to people my age too. Different age, different topic! However, I'm more interested in philosophy, so I'll be comfortable with matured people because they have a lot of experiences to share with me!
There is this one incident which happen today. It was my one of my lecturer in ITE. Initially, it was just some casual question for the teacher. However, I went one step further and ask her more questions. She actually have the qualifications to be a lecturer in poly. She have a master degree. Her portfoilo is definitely very nice.
To my surprise, she chose to be a teacher in ITE. She has hopes for student. She wants to be of use to the society in Singapore. She believe she can make some difference in the education system in Singapore. I really was quite touched by this particular teacher. The way she gave her lectures... It was one of the most friendliest class. She is very approachable!
Such examples, always gave me motivation to do well and be of use to society one fine day. In the past, it did too. However, It was only for a moment. After that, I completely forgotton about it and go back to my same old self. In the present, it shall not be the same!
Thank you Miss Hildas. 2weeks and 2 days, you have gotten my respect. The ways you lecture lessons, the ways you communicate with us, it is one of a kind. I appreciate it. =)
Alright, I'll end my post here already. I have homeworks that I haven't completed. Have a good sleep everyone.
With Love,
YaN
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Time flyyyyyyyyys
Yo, what's up! YaN is here to blog about his life! In blink of an eye, 2 weeks of school have passed. I'm in Bishan ITE. Do not look down on ITE. Though there is really a handful of students who are really a disgrace to the society, ITE produces good student too!
I have set my aims after i graduate from ITE already. I'm aiming for 3.8~4gpa. Business course in poly. I know it's achieveable. I will really work hard for it.
Getting to know new friends, participating in project works, presenting in front of the class. Having confidence, all this was what i didn't have back then in secondary school.
Thinking back, I have really wasted my secondary school life. There's so much fun in it. I missed out so much!!!! My ex classmate were excellent mates too. It's just a pity I wasn't mature at that point of time! This will always be one of my regrets in my life.
ITE Bishan is really hot! The canteen is not that fantastic too. There is 3 malays stall, 1 indian, and 1 chinese stall. I'm not trying to be racist here, but what the f**k? Never in my life have i seen malay stalls being so populated. I simply can't accept the fact that there is more malays than chinese in the school. Sorry, I really not being racist.
I'm trying hard, but not too hard to change my attitude now! Hope I will achieve a suan-free mouth by end of year =D. I don't know what to blog now. My school is good, having some issues with family, however will solve it as soon as possible to avoid further quarrels! =D
Alright just a short post for the past weeks. Have fun all =D
I have set my aims after i graduate from ITE already. I'm aiming for 3.8~4gpa. Business course in poly. I know it's achieveable. I will really work hard for it.
Getting to know new friends, participating in project works, presenting in front of the class. Having confidence, all this was what i didn't have back then in secondary school.
Thinking back, I have really wasted my secondary school life. There's so much fun in it. I missed out so much!!!! My ex classmate were excellent mates too. It's just a pity I wasn't mature at that point of time! This will always be one of my regrets in my life.
ITE Bishan is really hot! The canteen is not that fantastic too. There is 3 malays stall, 1 indian, and 1 chinese stall. I'm not trying to be racist here, but what the f**k? Never in my life have i seen malay stalls being so populated. I simply can't accept the fact that there is more malays than chinese in the school. Sorry, I really not being racist.
I'm trying hard, but not too hard to change my attitude now! Hope I will achieve a suan-free mouth by end of year =D. I don't know what to blog now. My school is good, having some issues with family, however will solve it as soon as possible to avoid further quarrels! =D
Alright just a short post for the past weeks. Have fun all =D
Thursday, April 8, 2010
My grammer sucks. I just read through it and finally did some editing.
Gosh i didn't know my grammer suck till like that. Okay anyway, since i have to blog now. Lets blog!
I have been working out for the past 4days. It's good workout. My mood to exercise is back. This is fucking good news to me. I want my arms to have muscles. Therefore I'll be working towards it. Just some chest muscle with arm muscle will do. No six packs hahaha. Most importantly just SLIM DOWN!!!! I sounded as though my words will do the job eh? Hahaha. In life, if things I know it's within my reach, i will achieve it if i want to.
To any who doubt me. I will prove you wrong. Why am i so confident? Cause i like having big promises. It will motivate me to work towards it. I have my pride to protect alright.
School is starting. I love it, shall be looking forward to it. The days with stress is better then without it. No stress, no life. Without stress, i can't move forward, brain isn't functioning. My life used to be all about experiencing. I don't believe words. I only believed in myself. I was wrong, thoroughly wrong. I changed, i began to believe in others. Their experiences, their advise. I won't go the hard way and waste my life anymore.
Business class. Must have alot pretty ladies! This will boost my determination in aiming 3.8~4 for gpa. I don't know why, somehow looking at pretty ladies makes me feel good. Hello, I'm no pervert. Most teenage guys do okay! Sigh, it's June soon. Looking back, time passes real fast. I'm going to be 18 soon. Reflecting back, I'm only 18, yet i have so many regrets that I didn't do last time. Looks like I can only use line to make myself feel better. 看开一点咯。 Look forward, tomorrow will be better. =)
Life's good if you deem it's good. However sometimes, there is this invisible stress. It's when something really bothers you, and you are worrying for it. No matter how you think, you won't feel good for that moment. In everybody's life. There is 2 button. It's both no-push button. One is as such, the invisible stress that spoil your day. Another would be something stupid or something particularly that just pissed you off. Once somebody did that, It's gone case. It just pissed you off.
Okay I'm still lazy to upload the photos. I'm already thinking, why should i upload it. Hoho, Shall reconsider whether to upload it or not. I'm busy busy busy! Anyway today went out with some ex colleagues. Ate at rk house, then went over to play cards. Some bonding we have there. It's good to meet out once in awhile.
Okay, finished my post already. Cool eh, mood to blog is also back too. =D Goodnight all.
WiTh LoVe,
YaN
I have been working out for the past 4days. It's good workout. My mood to exercise is back. This is fucking good news to me. I want my arms to have muscles. Therefore I'll be working towards it. Just some chest muscle with arm muscle will do. No six packs hahaha. Most importantly just SLIM DOWN!!!! I sounded as though my words will do the job eh? Hahaha. In life, if things I know it's within my reach, i will achieve it if i want to.
To any who doubt me. I will prove you wrong. Why am i so confident? Cause i like having big promises. It will motivate me to work towards it. I have my pride to protect alright.
School is starting. I love it, shall be looking forward to it. The days with stress is better then without it. No stress, no life. Without stress, i can't move forward, brain isn't functioning. My life used to be all about experiencing. I don't believe words. I only believed in myself. I was wrong, thoroughly wrong. I changed, i began to believe in others. Their experiences, their advise. I won't go the hard way and waste my life anymore.
Business class. Must have alot pretty ladies! This will boost my determination in aiming 3.8~4 for gpa. I don't know why, somehow looking at pretty ladies makes me feel good. Hello, I'm no pervert. Most teenage guys do okay! Sigh, it's June soon. Looking back, time passes real fast. I'm going to be 18 soon. Reflecting back, I'm only 18, yet i have so many regrets that I didn't do last time. Looks like I can only use line to make myself feel better. 看开一点咯。 Look forward, tomorrow will be better. =)
Life's good if you deem it's good. However sometimes, there is this invisible stress. It's when something really bothers you, and you are worrying for it. No matter how you think, you won't feel good for that moment. In everybody's life. There is 2 button. It's both no-push button. One is as such, the invisible stress that spoil your day. Another would be something stupid or something particularly that just pissed you off. Once somebody did that, It's gone case. It just pissed you off.
Okay I'm still lazy to upload the photos. I'm already thinking, why should i upload it. Hoho, Shall reconsider whether to upload it or not. I'm busy busy busy! Anyway today went out with some ex colleagues. Ate at rk house, then went over to play cards. Some bonding we have there. It's good to meet out once in awhile.
Okay, finished my post already. Cool eh, mood to blog is also back too. =D Goodnight all.
WiTh LoVe,
YaN
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